Monday, November 29, 2004

The Great Divide

Gallons of ink, googles of electrons, and endless hours of Thanksgiving dinner-table discussions have been spent sifting through the fresh entrails of our national election, desperately hoping to find that undigested nugget of wisdom that foretells the future of our seemingly rent republic and explains the depths of our current sociological divide.

Are we Blue or Red, Secular or Religious, Coastal or Heartland, Saks or Walmart, CNN or Fox, Mars or Venus, Atkins or South Beach? All no doubt germane, but let's get to the crux of the matter:

Maher or Miller.

Both comedians have more firepower in their routines than a Fallujah mosque, but their outlooks, and audiences, couldn't be more different:
Bill Maher:
Stop saying that blue state people are out of touch with the values and morals of the red states. I'm not out of touch with them. I just don't share them. In fact, and I know this is about 140 years late, but to the Southern States, I would say, "Upon further consideration, you CAN go. I know that's what you've always wanted, and we've reconsidered. So go ahead. And take Texas with you."
Dennis Miller:
"I wish there was a country called al Qaeda and we could have started the war there, but there wasn't. And Hussein and his punk sons were just unlucky enough to draw the Wonka ticket in the a**hole lottery."

The French, you might as well gas up the dinghy and go fishing with Fredo because you are dead to me, okay. You know something? They're putting swastikas on our flag in France. You've got all those boys buried in Normandy. And after we had the good taste to chisel the armpit hair off the Statue of Liberty you gave us, you know something, I — always thought that tint was oxdized copper. Little did I know it was green with envy."

Smug, snide, cynical leftist-libertarianism or stream-of-conscious rants spiced with obscure cultural reference center-right libertarianism.

Maher or Miller: Maybe this ought to be the question on Mid-East visa flight school applications. And then there's the Lenny Bruce question - which one eventually flames out?