Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Jesse's Home Team

Jesse's Home Team demonstrates the sleeper hold

"We call the home team the insurgents and we're the home team," said Jesse Jackson during his MLK day speech, lamenting the war in Iraq. "Dr. King, what are we doing?"

Jackson, a long-time fan and season-ticket holder of the Baghdad Bombers, is upset that his favorite team is not accorded its appropriate WWE status as the Home Team, which would assure preferential treatment for street-side seats in the much-hyped Smackdown: Democracy Deathmatch II, scheduled for Jan. 30 (also available via pay-per-view.) Jackson threatened to jump the ropes and hit Prime Minister Allawi over the head with a chair if the Bombers were required to enter the ring first as the challenger. "The Coalition are pansy-asses, we're gonna do some serious damage come the 30th," said Jackson, adding "the Bombers were cheated out of their WWE MidEast Regional Terror Championship Belt." "We've got some surprises" in store for the Iraqi National Guard, he said, referring to new moves such as the "Shi'ite Suplex," "Saddam Sleeper," "Zarqawi Slam," and the "Mosul Monster-lock." Action begins when the polls open.